Testing the Couch
by haikomori
Summary: In which Hope is angry, Snow is scarred for life, Serah is nearly suffocated, and Lightning just takes it all in stride. Or...as much of a stride as a person can expect from Lightning. And the couch sits innocently in the living room. If it only knew...


**I've been gone a while, and you know, I figured this would make a nice, late Christmas present to my HopexLight readers and anyone else passing by. I hope you enjoy. **

**Things to know? Established Older!HopexLightning, evil revenge, and some awkward situations.**

* * *

Hope Estheim, now the ripe age of twenty-three, skipped merrily from his room to the kitchen, humming lightly to himself. Tall and slender, the platinum haired man grinned and brushed his fingers along his beige walls, unable to contain the shudder and giggles that wracked through his body. Instead he just twirled, uncaring of how ridiculous it looked for a grown man to do any such twirl, before proceeding to the wonderful smell of scrambled eggs and toast. His stomach growled but he hardly noticed as he waltzed into the brightly lit kitchen, his eyes lighting up as he spotted the woman he adored.

Lightning "Claire" Farron.

She turned to him, forks in her slender hands, and smiled. Hope felt himself melt, his insides positively turning to squishy mush as he took in her face, her eyes, and her smile. The woman he loved. The woman he adored. Her bright blue eyes softening just for him, her smile the smallest, yet always the warmest. The way her strawberry hair perfectly framed her face, the way she would roll her eyes whenever he said something less than profound. And today, today Hope would have the chance to truly celebrate his love for this woman. He would take her out for a wonderful stroll through the park, scare some poor unwitting strangers at said park with some gunblade practice and a make-out session, before topping the evening off with some high class dinner and perhaps a little dancing. And after that?

Anniversary sex. After all, there were words, there were feelings, and then there was the physical act of proving that they were in love. The hot fiery passion that proved how much they loved each other, through sweat and loud to muffled cries in the bedroom, in the kitchen, and perhaps anywhere else if Light were so willing.

Yes, Hope liked anniversary sex very much.

"Hello Light!" Hope singsonged, leaning into her back and wrapping his arms around her waist. He took a deep breath, barely able to contain his giddiness. He was grinning from ear to ear, rubbing his cheek against her neck, "A happy, lovely anniversary to you. Love you!"

Hope chuckled when Lightning jolted, her snort just barely escaping her. He could imagine her rolling her perfectly blue eyes and could barely contain his excitement again. _Such a joyous day!_ Hope thought, smiling against her neck.

"Love you too Hope. Breakfast will be ready in a moment. Just give me a sec." Lightning said. Hope nodded and made for the small wooden table in the center of the room, but was stopped by a hand around his wrist, "Happy anniversary." Lightning muttered, her cheeks just the tiniest bit of pink. Hope's chest swelled and he pecked her on the cheek, his stomach full of butterflies. How he loved her. How he couldn't wait to really show her through this wonderful day how much he truly-

_Ding Dong!_

_Who? _Hope's smile fell from his face, replaced with a sneer that showed his fang like teeth. His eyes darkened and he rose from this chair, his anger thrumming in his ears, and he made to stalk toward the door. Instead Lightning passed him, waving for him to sit down as she made her way to the living room. Hope sighed before plopping back in his seat, cradling his chin in his hand and closing his eyes. _Calm down Estheim, it's not all bad. So you have a little less time to spend with Light. It's really, really small. No big. No big at all. _

_Nope...not at all. Just see who it is, deal with it, and then you'll have her all to your-_

Hope's eyes snapped open when a familiar laugh rumbled to him from the living room. It was loud and hearty and Hope's mind was stuffed with images of a tall man with fuzz on his chin and blond hair. The stupid grin, the constant laughter, and quite possibly the worst timing in the world. The full package was now in the living room, and by the sounds of voices carrying toward Hope, quickly heading for the kitchen.

Hope's eyes swiveled to the doorway and sure enough, Lightning was leading both Snow and Serah through their home. Serah smiled and waved at Hope, her strawberry hair, so much like her sister's, down for the day. Snow's coat was draped over his arm before being placed over one of the empty chairs, and both of them sat themselves down at the table. Lightning returned to the breakfast, pulling down several plates. Her expression was still soft, but Hope could no longer see the love and promises to a wonderful day to themselves.

He had to resist the sudden violent urge to rip Snow limb from limb. It was that man's fault after all. It was. Somehow, someway, he was to blame.

Hope rose from his chair again and started to help Lightning distribute the food, scooping the right amount of scrambled eggs on the plates while sneaking glances at her. They locked eyes once and Lightning nodded, looking over her shoulder, "Um...not that I'm not glad to see _you_ Serah." Glancing at Snow as he gripped his chest, pretending to keel over the table, "But why are you here?"

Serah smiled at her sister, "Well, Snow was telling me the other day how you two never got out of the house for your anniversary, so we decided to come over and see of we could help with any of your plans!" Hope's eyes widened but he cheered when Lightning began to open her mouth to speak against it. Until...

"I'm sure you and me will have fun planning it! It'll be fun for us to bond won't it? And I know this great place just around the corner-"

Hope sighed and went back to distributing the food, knowing the battle was lost once Serah had mentioned bonding time. The way Lightning's eyes had softened bothered him, and while he knew that he'd win most of the time when it came to Light, it bothered him to lose to Serah. _It's not a competition Estheim,_ he reminded himself, _Don't lose sight of the real culprit._

Hope's light green eyes shot to Snow, the man sending him the most devilish grin before turning back to Serah. Hope narrowed his eyes as he and Lightning began to give out the food, and he glared at Snow the whole meal. Neither male noticed the small chat between Serah and Lightning, both caught up in their silent glaring match. Hope's face was drawn tight, a thin, straight line for lips on his face, while Snow's lips were more smug, with just the right upturn of the lips.

"I'll get the dishes." Lightning said, getting up from her chair. She blinked when she received no response, but rolled her eyes when she saw Hope and Snow in the middle of their stare off. "Why don't you two go off in the living room while we handle this. It'll give Serah and I a chance to talk." Hope nodded, rising from his chair and giving Lightning a light peck on the cheek before trailing off into the living room. Snow was quick to follow, the giant man falling onto the light brown couch as they entered the living room. Hope sniffed at the tangle of limbs Snow became as the man made to reposition himself.

"What are you _really_ doing here Snow?" Hope asked, his eyebrows disappearing into his bangs, "I doubt you really just want to help us with our anniversary." Hope's eyebrow twitched when a snicker floated from Snow and he gritted his teeth, clenching his hands, "If anything, it seems like you came here to ruin our anniversary with some evil, convoluted plot. And I don't see why Snow."

Chuckles from Snow nearly brought Hope into a frothing rage, his eyes flashing as he looked at Snow with nothing but murderous intent. The happy, fluffy clouds he had awoken with were gone, shooed away by the large man in front of him that for some unfathomable reason was set to destroy his happy day. Instead, his bright blue skies had turned an ominous, dark red that promised nothing but death, and Hope almost smiled as some rather...gruesome deaths played in his mind. Snow's own laughter froze when Hope began to giggle to himself, his eyes lighting up with ill suppressed glee as the Snow in his mind was thrown into a vat of aci-

"Kid, stop laughing like that, you're giving me the creeps. Just relax..." Snow said, smiling when Hope's eyes swiveled back to him, "It won't kill you to go a few hours without just you and Lightning will it?" The cogs in Hope's mind began to slow and his murderous rage was settled into an irritated calm as Snow spoke. _He has a point. Maybe he really does just want to help and I'm being-_

"Besides, who needs anniversary sex when you can have company!"

_That bastard! He knew! He knew! He intends to ruin my plans. A nice day out, a dinner, awesome sex, and the bastard is here to kill it! He'll perish! I'll end his miserable existence here! I don't care if he's taller, more muscular, and could squash me in a second-_

_This won't go well if I just try it head on. _

Hope glanced back at Snow, eyes drifting off to the brown couch, and he smiled. _If I can't win by force...then I'll try my own brand of evil. _

"Hey Snow." Hope said, straightening himself out, "Did you notice? That's a new couch."

Snow titled his head to the side, thrown by the sudden change in subject, but he looked down at the piece of furniture and nodded. "It is isn't it? The last one was blue...what happened to it? Or did you all just want a new couch?" Snow shrugged and began pressing his hand into the couch, smiling as it squished under his palm, completely unaware of the look of evil, self-satisfaction that crossed Hope's face. The wicked smile disappeared when Snow looked up and Hope shook his head.

"The blue one was new, why would we want another?" Hope trailed off, chest swelling as Snow's look of curiosity grew. Snow's brow furrowed and he nodded for Hope to continue. "We actually had to have it replaced. See...the thing is, we needed something more sturdy."

"For what?" Snow asked, shaking his head, "What are you going to do on a couch that would need..." Snow trailed off, his eyes widening, and Hope grinned.

'"Yes...why _would_ we need a new couch already. Quite the conundrum, huh Snow?" Hope asked, taking a step toward his and waving his hands in the air. "A mystery."

"I don't want to hear this." Snow said, covering his ears. Hope's grin just widened, eyes flashing with ill suppressed glee.

"But really." Hope said, walking toward the couch so he wouldn't have to yell for Snow to hear, "How were we supposed to know the couch was ready for our..._activities_. I mean, it looked nice and sturdy. False advertising if you ask me. I should ask for my money back." Hope said, nodding to himself.

'"Hope..." Snow said, shaking his head, "I'll leave right now if you don't-"

"Well, we had to get rid of the couch after that. And when we got his one, we had to make sure it could stand the pressure. So we practiced all night long, Lightning and I. Over and over and over again." Hope said. Snow's hands had dropped into his lap, his eyes wide in silent horror. Hope was whispering now, teeth bared in a frightening smile, "Think about it Snow. Right were you sit, right here and now, Lightning and I have had the wonderful honor of showing each other just how much we _love_ each other. And we are _good_ at it."

"Oh G-"

"Over...and over. And _over_. I mean, seriously, we just can't get enough. This couch, much sturdier by the way, was able to withstand several of our more intense sessions. Sure, it skidded for a while, and the stains were hard to get out-"

"Please just-"

"But it worked out in the end." Hope said, shrugging. He cackled as Snow's jaw went slack, his eyes twitching as the information sank in. Hope opened his mouth, thinking of more and more ways to bury the hatchet deeper, when Lightning and Serah walked into the room. Serah smiled as she spotted her husband, touching her sister's arm before hurrying toward the couch.

"Hey Snow! Lightning and I got to talking and well..." Snow looked up at Serah's voice, his eyes bugging as she made to sit on the couch. He lunged for her, grabbing her by the arm and pulling her away. "AH! SNOW-" Serah screamed, shutting her eyes as she was jostled.

"Oh for the love of all that is holy, Serah don't sit there! Just-just-ugh! It's so-so unholy. A travesty! To think that you almost-that I _did..._" Snow's face dropped and he shuddered, pressing Serah to his chest.

"S..w! Breath! Can't-" Serah tried, her voice muffled as Snow smothered her.

"Serah...Serah, I think I'm scarred for life now. That devil, that _monster_. He-he told that he and sis...over and over again! It's just-oh gosh-just-NO! I can't-I can't get it out of my head, the very thought of them actually-" Snow stopped and shuddered again, bringing Serah even closer to his chest. Serah squealed under Snow's heavy grasp, her arms managing to flail as she struggled to breath. Hope grinned at the scene whereas Lightning only glanced among them, her eyebrows raised but otherwise silent as the spectacle unfolded before her.

"Why Snow!" Hope said, pressing his hand to his chest in mock hurt, "What could you possibly mean! Are you insinuating something terrible has happened in our home? Why, how could you say such a thing!" Hope looked at Lightning, eyes shining with fake tears, and Lightning rolled her eyes.

Snow's head shot up and he finally released Serah, the woman taking a great gasp of air as she grabbed her chest. Snow growled, grabbing Serah's wrist and heading for the door, "Come on Serah, we need to get out of here before they manage to corrupt us any further."

"Corrupt us?" Serah asked, pulling in vain against the large hand clamped on her wrist, "Snow, what are you talking about-"

"No Serah, this isn't for your ears. It's too...awful. To think that they-and your _sister _no less. The world has-"

"Hey Snow!" Hope called, grinning as the man turned to him, eyes still twitching. Hope swayed from side to side, eyes sparkling, "You act like we've only done it on the couch." Hope smirked as the last of the color in Snow's face drained, waving goodbye as the man yanked Serah out of the house and slammed the door behind him. Hope turned away, smile still in place as he addressed Lightning, "Need anymore help in the kitchen dear?" He asked, voice almost a song again.

Lightning blinked, crossing her arms as Hope's mood shifted from annoyed, possessive and angry, to the sunshine and rainbows he had been before the guests. She shook her head, "Do I _want _to hear about this?"

"Maybe...I don't know. Would you be all right if I say I probably just scarred Snow for life, as he put it?" Hope asked, brow furrowing in concern.

"...maybe." Lightning said, a small smile on her face.

Hope's face lit up and he nodded, "I told him that we had to get a new couch because we broke the other one having sex, then said we had to test this couch, and as such, had lots of hot steamy sex on this one. And that he was sitting in it. Basically." Hope said, shrugging. He took a step back as Lightning unfolded her arms, but she simply glanced back at the couch.

"But we had to get a new because the whole thing collapsed. Loose screws and all that..." Lightning said, her voice painfully monotone. Hope didn't know if he was about to die or not, and was very worried for the fact, "And we haven't had sex on this couch yet." Hope's eyes lit up and he hurried by her side, fear forgotten.

"Yet-Ugh!" Hope grasped his gut, gasping for breath as Lightning headed for the kitchen, hair swishing behind her. _S-She's still got it then..._

"Maybe Estheim. Just don't try that again. You know he's gonna tell everyone right?" Lightning looked back at him, hand on the doorway, "And we'll never hear the end of it." She raised an eyebrow at him, annoyance clear.

Hope straightened himself out, rubbing his stomach, "But...it made him go away."

"I know." Lightning said, turning away and going in the kitchen, "That's why I said yet."

Hope grinned from ear to ear, following his wife into the kitchen, the rainbows, sunshine, and unicorns all restored. His eyes were alight with new passion, his heart sang with the notes of bursting love and anticipation of really testing the couch.


End file.
